Baby Steps

I did it. I went to Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. I realized I had mentioned it twice in this blog, both times saying I might be "overwhelmed" by it because Kelsey was the fervent Harry Potter fan of the household, and this was an event we should have shared. That made me determined that I would not allow myself to be undone. By a movie. By a movie that I really wanted to see. So, I screwed up my courage and went this morning. The movie was good enough that I only thought of the reason I was hesitant to see it once during the film. Walking out of the theatre by myself afterwards with no one to share the experience with, critique the film and laugh at Ron's romantic exploits, that was the tough moment. Thank heavens for large sunglasses. I suppose I could have gone with someone and avoided that, but the person I had anticipated sharing that experience with since I saw the first teaser trailer last July was not available.

As my sister-in-law pointed out, I have to take baby steps. So, this was a tiny step toward reclaiming my life. I figure it was good practice for all the other days that I will have to face without a choice. Holidays, as an example. So, maybe I should feel some triumph for having done it. I do not. I actually cannot put my finger on what I do feel, other than drained. But I am glad I went.